Author

Paul

Author · 80 posts

Portion Control

Ordered chips and curry sauce. The wife ordered small fish and chips. Her fish turned up without any chips, so we shared mine. Still want a refund, though.

7 Nov 20261 min read

A medical appointment turned into a full English, four pints of Guinness, and cheese on toast for good measure. My wife and I compared notes on Mounjaro — she gets the hunger without the want, I get it the other way round.

6 Nov 20261 min read

14 St 1 Lb. I'll Take It

197 lb today. A new low after the wobble back up to 200. I'll take it.

5 Nov 20261 min read

Tooting, Back on Schedule

6am wake-up call, right on cue for a Tuesday. The uncomfortable reminder that Mounjaro's still very much in my system.

4 Nov 20261 min read

The Wife's Sunday Dinner Strikes Again

Roast pork, crackling, a mountain of roast potatoes. I'd give up more than food for this one. Rosie and Dexter would like it noted that I forgot their crackling.

3 Nov 20261 min read

Paying for the Tandoori Mixed Grill

Saturday's takeaway was a protein-only Tandoori mixed grill. Half a chicken, a kofte kebab, tandoori lamb, more chicken, two onion bhajis. I ate almost all of it, and my stomach has opinions about that this morning.

2 Nov 20261 min read

Merlot Failed Its Friday Job Interview

Red wine was on offer, so Friday's usual rum got swapped for a Merlot. Turns out wine goes down faster than rum ever did, and worse, it doesn't stop the rum turning up afterwards.

1 Nov 20261 min read

The Eggs Went Back in the Packet

The wife left a packet of Easter eggs out for Halloween trick-or-treaters. I ate three, realised I wasn't actually enjoying them, and quietly put the rest back.

31 Oct 20261 min read

Not Actually About the Food

I'm in a meh! period. Weight loss has slowed, and I just wanted to surrender to everything I've been swerving. Then I asked myself what I actually fancied, with no consequences attached, and the answer wasn't food at all.

30 Oct 20262 min read

Earning the Right to Relax

Half a four-cheese pizza, a few chicken nuggets, a bottle of red. A few days off work and still an hour of work, then home automation projects. Turns out the food wasn't the thing worth looking at.

29 Oct 20262 min read

Saturday Is the New Tuesday

Thunder Belly usually turns up on a Tuesday. This week it moved to Saturday, woke me at 6am, and stuck around into Monday with the eggy burps back for an encore.

28 Oct 20261 min read

A Bin for the Rest

The wife was out, so it was a chippy tea. A small fish and chips turned out to be plenty, and I actually left some chips. That's not like me.

27 Oct 20261 min read

What If I Buckle?

14 st 2 lb today. Two days running under the 200 lb mark now, which makes it harder to call a fluke. I'm pleased. I'm also quietly terrified of what happens if I can't keep this up.

26 Oct 20263 min read

A Teaspoon That Actually Works

I bought a kilo of peanut butter with nowhere to put it. Turns out a single teaspoon of the stuff does something no biscuit has managed: it actually makes the wanting stop, not just the eating.

25 Oct 20262 min read

A Sandwich, Not a Referendum

I haven't had a bacon, sausage and black pudding sandwich on farmhouse bread in so long it actually hurts to think about it. I'm not hungry. I just want it. So I'm going to have it, and I'm not going to make it mean anything.

24 Oct 20261 min read

The Unfairness of Other People's Lunches

A colleague mentioned drinking two bottles of wine with dinner, then went and bought a burger, a pasty and a cookie for lunch the next day. They don't look like they're paying for any of it. I sat there and sulked.

23 Oct 20262 min read

The Season of Ambushes

Halloween, the wife's birthday month, then Christmas. I can see the whole run of temptation coming before it's even started. Turns out the thing I actually need to worry about isn't any of the food.

22 Oct 20263 min read

One Pound Under 200

14 stone 3 pounds doesn't look like much of a win written down like that. Write it as 199 lbs instead, and it's a number I've never been under before.

21 Oct 20261 min read

I Could Smell Dinner From the Driveway

I commute on Mondays, so I wasn't home all day. Didn't matter — I knew my wife had made stew before I'd even reached the front door. Turns out that's the one day of the week I'm glad to have missed it.

20 Oct 20261 min read

A KitKat That Stopped Calling My Name

There's a KitKat on my desk that's been there for longer than I can remember. I look at it, and nothing happens. I don't really know what that means. I'm just noting that it's odd.

19 Oct 20261 min read

An Elephant in Molasses

Tai Chi is supposed to be slow and gentle. I feel like I'm sprinting to keep up and sinking at the same time. If you've ever been the one person in the room who can't make a 'simple' movement look simple, this one's for you.

18 Oct 20263 min read

Tuesday Turbulence

My stomach has been churning since last night's dinner, and it's not the first Tuesday that's happened. The timing turns out to make a surprising amount of sense once you look at how long tirzepatide actually sticks around.

17 Oct 20262 min read

Is 85% Actually Better?

Two bars of 85% cocoa are sitting in the fridge, and I've started to wonder whether I'm just looking for permission. So I checked what the actual evidence says, and it's less flattering to my argument than I'd hoped.

16 Oct 20262 min read

Look, Consider, Close the Tin

I've started wondering if I've forgotten what physical hunger actually feels like. I'm not sure I can answer that one. What I can tell you is what happens when I open the biscuit tin now, and it isn't what used to happen.

15 Oct 20262 min read

I Bought a Kilo of Peanut Butter

I thought I'd learned my lesson about buying food in bulk after the 5 kg bag of sugar. Turns out I'd learned the wrong one.

14 Oct 20262 min read

Apparently, Some People Only Eat When They're Hungry

A joke on Mock the Week's 2026 summer special landed harder than it should have, because it described a way of eating I genuinely didn't know existed. Then I noticed I do the opposite too.

13 Oct 20262 min read

Two Bars of 85%

I'm not really a chocolate person, but I've been eating less, the chocolate's still in the fridge, and somebody has forgotten the rule. Two bars of 85% cocoa are now the most difficult thing in the kitchen.

12 Oct 20262 min read

Denied Ambrosia

Shepherd's pie from the freezer, plenty of vegetables, and then I stopped. The old ritual was a pie-and-gravy sandwich on buttered bread, then more bread to mop up the gravy. Tonight I didn't follow it, and my brain has filed a complaint.

11 Oct 20262 min read

Become Slightly Less Shit

I want to move better, and the plan is Tai Chi in the front room. The hard part isn't the movements. It's being seen doing something that feels unfamiliar and slightly ridiculous.

10 Oct 20262 min read

Three Bags of Sugar

14 st 5 lb this morning. Thirty-three pounds down from where I started, which is about three bags of sugar, which I can now feel on the bike.

9 Oct 20261 min read

Another Tropical Dinner

Lasagne, salad, garlic bread and two leftover onion bhajis from a Friday night takeaway. Mounjaro had made me forget to eat lunch, so the bhajis had one remaining window, and it was Saturday dinner.

8 Oct 20263 min read

She Never Once Flinched

I never thought I'd be someone who injects themselves with medication. Then I remembered who taught me it wasn't a big deal, and it wasn't even a person.

7 Oct 20262 min read

Not an Embolism, Just a Bubble

The bubble the syringe left in my thigh was medication, not air — but it got me wondering what would actually happen if it had been air. Turns out that's a more interesting question than I expected.

6 Oct 20263 min read

The Circular Economy of Mounjaro

It isn't cheap, and I've been worrying about what happens when I stop it. Then I did the maths and found what looks suspiciously like a loophole.

5 Oct 20263 min read

The Scales Haven't Changed. The Numbers Have.

95 kg and 14 st 13.4 lb are exactly the same weight. They don't feel the same. Turns out it's not sentiment, it's just how the numbers move.

4 Oct 20261 min read

The First Chocolate in Weeks

A Tesco Finest Belgian Dark Chocolate Ginger Cookie, and the realisation I hadn't had chocolate in weeks. Turns out eating some doesn't mean I've fallen off anything.

3 Oct 20261 min read

14 St 6.5 Lb

I knew the number would move again by next week. Didn't stop me smiling at it.

2 Oct 20261 min read

We're on Different Medication

My wife's stomach says yes and her head says no. Mine is the other way round. Same drug, different doses, almost opposite experience — and it explains why she can leave food on a plate and I can't.

1 Oct 20263 min read

The Clean Plate Rule

Mounjaro doesn't replace a calorie deficit, it just makes one easier to hold. Turns out my actual problem isn't breakfast or lunch. It's what happens to whatever's left on the plate at dinner.

30 Sept 20262 min read

I Thought Cornflakes Were the Diet Option

Two slices of buttered toast versus a bowl of cornflakes and half a pint of milk. I assumed the cereal was the lighter choice. Then I actually weighed the bowl.

29 Sept 20262 min read

The Bit Mounjaro Can't Do For Me

Not hungry, three hours after dinner, stomach still growling, and yet stood at the fridge wanting something I couldn't name. That's when it stopped being obvious where the medication ends and I begin.

28 Sept 20262 min read

When My Guts Finally Stopped Complaining

No fanfare, no milestone. Just a week where I realised I hadn't thought about my stomach once. Three months in, that felt like the real progress.

27 Sept 20262 min read

Residual Self Image

The scales say I've lost weight. So did my jeans. But when I look in the mirror I still see the belly, and I'm starting to wonder whether I'm looking at me, or at the me I expect to see.

26 Sept 20262 min read

Office Temptation

The office kitchen rarely has treats in it. When it does, it's grossly unfair. And this time the treats never seem to run out.

25 Sept 20261 min read

Reframing

I'd been telling myself I'd lost about a stone. Then I did the sum, and realised how much a number depends on the story you tell around it.

24 Sept 20262 min read

The Final Course

Three roast potatoes and a Yorkshire pudding left on the plate, half the crackling handed to the dogs, and then the real test: a Sunday dinner with no pudding to follow.

23 Sept 20262 min read

A Couple More Clicks

The scales didn't tell me. The jeans did. Halfway round a woodland walk, my wife pointed out my trousers were on their way to my knees, and the belt had to click a lot further than I'm used to.

22 Sept 20261 min read

Bubble Trouble

Last Friday I used a syringe for the golden dose. Drawing it up was easy. Getting the needle in far enough turned out to be the part I got wrong.

21 Sept 20262 min read

Two Different Engines

She's tried every diet going, and only Mounjaro has ever worked for her. I never needed her to change. What I hadn't understood, until I started taking it myself, was how differently the two of us actually experience food.

20 Sept 20262 min read

Days Since Last KitKat

A workplace safety sign for the only hazard that actually threatens this operation.

19 Sept 20261 min read

Every Breath You Take

I've lost ten kilos. It didn't leave the way you'd assume - and the actual answer is stranger and more obvious than pissing, shitting, or sweating it out.

18 Sept 20261 min read

I Deserve a Fucking KitKat

It's not really about eating the thing. It's about deciding I deserve it, and then seeing how long I can leave it sitting on the desk while I get on with a day's work.

17 Sept 20262 min read

Psychological Warfare

Sat with a cup of tea, thinking about a KitKat, and my mouth starts watering. That's not supposed to happen if it's just in my head.

16 Sept 20262 min read

The Doughnut Situation

A four-finger KitKat surviving three days on my desk, then my wife puts a bag of yellow-label custard doughnuts and a cup of tea right next to me. This wasn't a clean win. It was a genuine fight, and I very nearly lost it.

15 Sept 20263 min read

Under 15 Stone

95.2kg today. A hundred grams was all it took to tip from one side of the 15-stone line to the other, after hovering right on it for the best part of a week.

14 Sept 20261 min read

25% Less

Trying to actually live by Friday's plan to cut the rum measure - a smaller glass, a battle I didn't win, and a silver lining that's real even if it isn't the one I meant to earn.

13 Sept 20262 min read

The Golden Dose

The pen ships with more than four doses' worth in it by design. What's actually left over after the fourth injection, what the manufacturer's own guidance says about it, and what it means in milligrams if you use it anyway.

12 Sept 20263 min read

24 Units

I've got pretty good at noticing when I don't need the food. Turns out I needed to point the same question at what's in my glass.

11 Sept 20263 min read

The Invoice

Half a burger, a very good Kung Po, and a battle with the biscuit tin I actually won - followed by my gut presenting its bill the next morning.

10 Sept 20262 min read

The £10 Burger

A posh burger van, a venison burger I didn't finish, and the difference between stopping because I'm full and stopping because I just don't like it enough.

9 Sept 20262 min read

Twelve Kilos Less Person

Crossing BMI 30, and working out that I'm now carrying around more weight less than when I started than my actual work backpack weighs.

8 Sept 20261 min read

A Monday Dinner

Not finishing the beans - a trivial-sounding moment that was actually the old instinct losing an argument.

7 Sept 20261 min read

My Dogs Eat Better Than I Do

Two previous Rotties, both called Roxy - neither would touch raw food, but one treated even cooked food like a suspect and the other would eat anything - and what that taught me about eating because it's there.

6 Sept 20262 min read

I'm Learning, Not Cured

What Mounjaro has and hasn't done for my relationship with food, and why the biggest change isn't the number on the scales.

4 Sept 20262 min read

The BBQ Lunch

Stopping halfway through a halloumi wrap and fries, and losing interest in finishing it just because I paid for it.

2 Sept 20261 min read

The Numbers So Far

Starting weight, current weight, and why I'm still not chasing a target.

1 Sept 20261 min read

The Sunday Dinner Problem

My wife pointed out I go for the good stuff first at Sunday dinner - which makes leaving food behind now a much harder argument than it sounds.

30 Aug 20262 min read

I've Always Eaten the Food

A flashback to 2020, when COVID took away my sense of taste completely and I still finished the whole Sunday dinner - a reminder of what my relationship with food actually was.

27 Aug 20261 min read

Slurry Cannon

A pub toilet, an occupied cubicle, and a level of bowel pressure that turned out to have a rather good comparison waiting for it on the internet.

26 Aug 20262 min read

Thirty Clicks

After the 5mg experience, I stretched a 5mg pen into eight weeks of 2.5mg doses using the click count instead of buying a dedicated pen - the maths, the manufacturer's objection, and a financially tempting idea I'm not going to pretend didn't cross my mind.

25 Aug 20263 min read

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